Wow! I found out tonight that someone opened their mouth and poured out junk to someone else about something I shared with them in confidence. I couldn't believe my ears when it got back to me.
I have finally realized there is really only one person in my life that I actually trust with telling them anything at all and I know they will keep it to themselves because they know me. They know my heart and realize that sometimes I am just ranting or blowing off steam and they still love me in spite of myself. Isn't that sad?? JUST ONE!!
How can people do that? Tell you to your face that they will keep whatever you say just between the two of you and then WHAM!!! The next thing you know you are getting blind-sided by the words that you spoke to that person and it is coming from someone not at all a part of the conversation or the topic!! Especially when this "mouth" had claimed to walk a Christian walk and talk a Christian talk. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD PEOPLE!! Keep your word! The Bible says it this way:
Psalm 15:1-5 (pay close attention to verse 4)
1 LORD, who may dwell in your sacred tent?
Who may live on your holy mountain?
2 The one whose walk is blameless,
who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from their heart;
3 whose tongue utters no slander,
who does no wrong to a neighbor,
and casts no slur on others;
4 who despises a vile person
but honors those who fear the LORD;
who keeps an oath even when it hurts,
and does not change their mind;
5 who lends money to the poor without interest;
who does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
I would rather someone cut out my tongue than to betray my own word!!
My mouth says a lot of stuff it shouldn't, but I can guarantee one thing....when I tell someone that a conversation is between me and them, that is a promise that will NOT be broken.
Ok, I might be ranting a little bit here, but honestly, where does it stop? Have we come so far as a society that the word trust carries no meaning anymore?
I guess the lesson I learned is that I won't talk to anyone anymore except that ONE person. I didn't say anything that was untrue either. It was just the fact that my words were misconstrued and twisted around to say what that person "perceived" me to say....not what my heart or words were actually saying. Oh well, what can I do about it now. It has traveled from her mouth to another mouth to the person of subject's mouth........have you sat in a circle and whispered in someone's ear and watched it go around the circle til it came to the end and was spoken outloud? It is always WRONG!! It is never passed on the way it began so why do people believe that junk???
I won't apologize for what I said because it was facts, taken out of context, but I do apologize if the words hurt someone. My heart's intention is never to hurt someone especially with my words.
Let's reexamine ourselves though and make sure we are the ONE person that is trustworthy despite what is being said, or by whom. That we will hold ourselves accountable to the Lord and keep our word/oath, even to our own hurt.
Hope this provokes some thought.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day
Mother's Day 2009....the last Mother's Day I would get to share with my mother. It was a great day. I had written my mother a song and was able to sing it at church that Sunday with her and my aunt in the audience. It was a tear jerker and she was bawling, but honestly, I didn't write it for the reaction, I wrote it simply because she was a great mom and I wanted her to know that through the years I had begun to understand some of what she had experienced. The sacrifices she had made and the love that she felt for me. Little did I know that just a couple of weeks later she would be diagnosed with cancer and would be leaving this earth a short 3 months later.
For many people Mother's day is a day to bring your mom flowers, buy her a gift or just send her a card. Let me challenge you to take it a step further. The cards, flowers and gifts are nice, but what a mother really wants is honor. Look her in the eyes and tell her that you appreciate her. Not just that you love her, but that you recognize the sacrifices she made for you. Remember that she was once a young girl that had plans and goals. Maybe those plans and goals changed when she found out she was pregnant. She may have been overjoyed, she may have been scared to death, but one thing is for sure...you are alive because she chose YOU! She chose to live those 9 months carrying you and nurturing you and then giving you life. Honor her for that choice!
Now maybe you are thinking, that is not me. My mother wasn't a part of my life. She abandoned me or gave me up for adoption. No matter what circumstances surround your life, remember one thing. You are still here because your mother (whether you know her or not) gave you life. She carried you and gave birth to you. That is reason enough to quietly say to yourself, if you cannot say it to her, "thank you".
I don't mean to over-simplify what you might have experienced in your life or with your mom. I just know that the Bible says to "Honor your father and mother and your days will be long." I have found this to be very hard in my life. You see, I started this blog as if my relationship with my mother was great my whole life. That is not exactly the way it was.
I was daddy's little girl and mom was just the other woman that lived in our house. Don't get me wrong, I loved mom, but we just didn't see to eye to eye on too many things. I can't remember too many times we had actual conversations throughout my high school years. But after my daddy passed away in 1991 there was a turning point in our relationship. The change was slow and I wont' get into all the details that surround this time, but one thing is for sure....I began to see that she was on my side and she did care. For whatever reason that I didn't believe this before, I was believing it now.
As the years went by we built a great new relationship. In 2002 she sold the house I grew up in and moved to Lubbock, TX to be closer to her mother and sisters, but the phone became our friend. We talked often and I tried to drive up there to visit as often as I could. But to be together on an actual Mother's Day was always difficult. So when mom told me she and my aunt were coming down for a visit and would be here for Mother's day that May in 2009 I was so excited. I immediately started forming a song in my mind and asked my pastor if I could sing it at church on that Sunday. Mom loved it. The picture below is the last Mother's day we spent together.
Time isn't the actual healer of wounds, but the passing of time can improve the outlook of things.
No I don't know what it's like to grow up without a mom. I do feel sad for those who did grow up that way....please know that this blog is in no way to make you feel any worse about Mother's Day. I hope that throughout your life's pathways you have come across some ladies that have mentored you and provided a mother's love and care.
For those of you who still have your mother here on earth with you. Take time to honor her and tell her how much you love and appreciate her.
For those of us who are mother's and know the sacrifices that have been made, the tears that have been shed and the hours of prayers that have been poured out for our children I hope we all have the best and most blessed Mother's day of 2011!!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
For many people Mother's day is a day to bring your mom flowers, buy her a gift or just send her a card. Let me challenge you to take it a step further. The cards, flowers and gifts are nice, but what a mother really wants is honor. Look her in the eyes and tell her that you appreciate her. Not just that you love her, but that you recognize the sacrifices she made for you. Remember that she was once a young girl that had plans and goals. Maybe those plans and goals changed when she found out she was pregnant. She may have been overjoyed, she may have been scared to death, but one thing is for sure...you are alive because she chose YOU! She chose to live those 9 months carrying you and nurturing you and then giving you life. Honor her for that choice!
Now maybe you are thinking, that is not me. My mother wasn't a part of my life. She abandoned me or gave me up for adoption. No matter what circumstances surround your life, remember one thing. You are still here because your mother (whether you know her or not) gave you life. She carried you and gave birth to you. That is reason enough to quietly say to yourself, if you cannot say it to her, "thank you".
I don't mean to over-simplify what you might have experienced in your life or with your mom. I just know that the Bible says to "Honor your father and mother and your days will be long." I have found this to be very hard in my life. You see, I started this blog as if my relationship with my mother was great my whole life. That is not exactly the way it was.
I was daddy's little girl and mom was just the other woman that lived in our house. Don't get me wrong, I loved mom, but we just didn't see to eye to eye on too many things. I can't remember too many times we had actual conversations throughout my high school years. But after my daddy passed away in 1991 there was a turning point in our relationship. The change was slow and I wont' get into all the details that surround this time, but one thing is for sure....I began to see that she was on my side and she did care. For whatever reason that I didn't believe this before, I was believing it now.
As the years went by we built a great new relationship. In 2002 she sold the house I grew up in and moved to Lubbock, TX to be closer to her mother and sisters, but the phone became our friend. We talked often and I tried to drive up there to visit as often as I could. But to be together on an actual Mother's Day was always difficult. So when mom told me she and my aunt were coming down for a visit and would be here for Mother's day that May in 2009 I was so excited. I immediately started forming a song in my mind and asked my pastor if I could sing it at church on that Sunday. Mom loved it. The picture below is the last Mother's day we spent together.
Time isn't the actual healer of wounds, but the passing of time can improve the outlook of things.
No I don't know what it's like to grow up without a mom. I do feel sad for those who did grow up that way....please know that this blog is in no way to make you feel any worse about Mother's Day. I hope that throughout your life's pathways you have come across some ladies that have mentored you and provided a mother's love and care.
For those of you who still have your mother here on earth with you. Take time to honor her and tell her how much you love and appreciate her.
For those of us who are mother's and know the sacrifices that have been made, the tears that have been shed and the hours of prayers that have been poured out for our children I hope we all have the best and most blessed Mother's day of 2011!!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Life as a Caregiver
Yesterday was hard. September 10, 2010. Yep, that was the day. Just one year ago I was sitting in my mother's den with my brother talking about how hard our year had been when he told me it was midnight and I should get to bed; I needed my rest.
20 minutes later, he woke me up and told me what I had been dreading for months. Mom was gone. Somewhere in that 20 minutes, while I was slipping into a world of peace and rest, the Lord sent His Angel of Life and escorted my Mother into eternity.
When mom was first diagnosed with a mass in her lung my brother and I tightened our belts, took a deep breath, began to pray for her healing and set our feet to ride through this storm until she was cancer free. I began planning my stay in Lubbock, TX as soon as I hung up the phone with my brother. I told my husband, "I have no idea how long I will be there, but I DO know I will be there until she is healed".
After 6 days in the hospital and many tests, biopsies, blood transfusions and scans...the doctor called me into the hallway to show me her PET scan. It was then that I knew, I would be in Lubbock until the Lord took her home or gave us the miracle we were praying for. The cancer was everywhere.
You know, you always hear from friends, 'Pray for me, so-n-so has cancer' and you give them a look of concern and tell them that you definitely will. The real question is, how many of us really take that pray request seriously and call out to God on their behalf!? Or you hear that a friend had to take care of someone while they were sick. They took food over to them, or sat with them, read to them, etc. But when do you find someone that moves in with that person; stays up all night cleaning up after them when they become sick from the chemo; cook and clean for them!? Rarely. I have found out through my experience that rarely does someone take care of their loved one all by themselves, 24/7 until the change comes.
Am I tooting my own horn? Hardly. There were times I just wanted to run away. I was so exhausted and sick to my stomach that I would have given anything to pay someone else to take care of her, if just to give me a break. In fact, to be brutally honest sometimes when I would hear her call my name I would get frustrated because I just didn't want to get up and see what she wanted. I know that it was simply my own humanity and selfishness getting in the way of my thoughts. I just wanted a break. But when it is your mother, breaks don't come. All I had to do was stop and think through the 39 years she had stood beside me, taken care of me, or just given me a shoulder to cry on...........there was NO way I was going to let someone else take care of her. So, I put my life on hold and accepted the challenge. It was the battle of my life and a challenge I didn't know if I would win or lose.
Caregiver. The true definition: A person whose character shows through with patience, kindness, empathy, compassion, gentleness, cleaner, cook, chauffeur, self-control, goodness and most of all - caring. When all was said and done and my brother and I stood over mom's shell, we knew we had honored her in the truest form we could. We couldn't stop the cancer from eating away at her, we couldn't turn back time, we could only reflect on what the word "MOTHER" means. Being a mother is being a CAREGIVER.
20 minutes later, he woke me up and told me what I had been dreading for months. Mom was gone. Somewhere in that 20 minutes, while I was slipping into a world of peace and rest, the Lord sent His Angel of Life and escorted my Mother into eternity.
When mom was first diagnosed with a mass in her lung my brother and I tightened our belts, took a deep breath, began to pray for her healing and set our feet to ride through this storm until she was cancer free. I began planning my stay in Lubbock, TX as soon as I hung up the phone with my brother. I told my husband, "I have no idea how long I will be there, but I DO know I will be there until she is healed".
After 6 days in the hospital and many tests, biopsies, blood transfusions and scans...the doctor called me into the hallway to show me her PET scan. It was then that I knew, I would be in Lubbock until the Lord took her home or gave us the miracle we were praying for. The cancer was everywhere.
You know, you always hear from friends, 'Pray for me, so-n-so has cancer' and you give them a look of concern and tell them that you definitely will. The real question is, how many of us really take that pray request seriously and call out to God on their behalf!? Or you hear that a friend had to take care of someone while they were sick. They took food over to them, or sat with them, read to them, etc. But when do you find someone that moves in with that person; stays up all night cleaning up after them when they become sick from the chemo; cook and clean for them!? Rarely. I have found out through my experience that rarely does someone take care of their loved one all by themselves, 24/7 until the change comes.
Am I tooting my own horn? Hardly. There were times I just wanted to run away. I was so exhausted and sick to my stomach that I would have given anything to pay someone else to take care of her, if just to give me a break. In fact, to be brutally honest sometimes when I would hear her call my name I would get frustrated because I just didn't want to get up and see what she wanted. I know that it was simply my own humanity and selfishness getting in the way of my thoughts. I just wanted a break. But when it is your mother, breaks don't come. All I had to do was stop and think through the 39 years she had stood beside me, taken care of me, or just given me a shoulder to cry on...........there was NO way I was going to let someone else take care of her. So, I put my life on hold and accepted the challenge. It was the battle of my life and a challenge I didn't know if I would win or lose.
Caregiver. The true definition: A person whose character shows through with patience, kindness, empathy, compassion, gentleness, cleaner, cook, chauffeur, self-control, goodness and most of all - caring. When all was said and done and my brother and I stood over mom's shell, we knew we had honored her in the truest form we could. We couldn't stop the cancer from eating away at her, we couldn't turn back time, we could only reflect on what the word "MOTHER" means. Being a mother is being a CAREGIVER.
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